Fifteen Minutes

By Lex Terzoiski

ONE 

“Have we got a deal?” Mr. B extended his hand. It was visibly aged and slick with sweat. I sat in my seat, which I felt like I had been in for hours, and stared at his extended hand. The cigar betwixt his thin lips was still lit, and the ash droppings were hitting the top of the glass surface of the table. The smell alone that came from the fat cigar was making my head feel fogged and dazed. 

Am I worth this? 

Will I make it? 

What potential do they see in me? 

A hand was now placed on my shoulder, shaking me out of my head and back into the crowded office with plaques of successful songs and framed pictures of Mr. B shaking every popularly named singer’s hand under the sun. My gaze averted to my mother, who sat beside me, her smile reassuring. 

“You were born to do this, Minnie.” That hopeful gleam in her eye was enough. To her, I was the little girl that would force my childhood dog to sing a duet or make her drive me to my town’s local choir practice every Tuesday night. I affirmed myself with my own soft hand that would extend, clasping it around Mr. B’s, and I could feel the clamminess rub against my lotioned palm. 

“We have a deal.” My smile was brighter than any star in the sky. 

Your timer starts now. 

TWO 

It was difficult to get around now. I couldn’t go anywhere without a flashing bright light in my face, people screaming my name, or shoving themselves onto me. There was no such thing as personal space anymore. That was a far and distant memory. It was a little odd to see my name in flashing lights, across billboards on the California interstate, and on theater marquees. Maybe one day, which I felt was close enough, the arena lights would spell out my name. 

This was all I hoped and dreamed for… 

I wore all black, from the top of my head right down to my toes. Not the typical look for me, but it was enough to veil me within the night. For once, I didn’t want to be seen. I didn’t want anyone to know my name or who I was. 

Do they really know who I am? 

My head kept low, but all I could hear was soft whispers of passersby questioning my very presence. Had I been followed here? Will another annoying flash of lights bombard me from my own doing? My feet were steady now, swift against the cracked and refilled pieces of cemented sidewalk. Lingering in my nose, I began to smell the familiar smoke. I could smell his Marlboro Reds from anywhere. 

My head continued to be held low, walking up the steep hill as an amused chuckle erupted from his throat. 

“Come on, Min. It’s just me. Has the fame gotten to your head yet?” The golden blonde couldn’t help but tease me. I slightly lowered my chunky, black-rimmed sunglasses that were worth more than a month’s rent from my face. The coast was clear… for now. 

“I know, Connor. It’s just going to be different now. It’s not like how we used to be,” I would say, sitting down beside him. It was a  place that the two of us had just started going to as soon as Connor moved out here. He swears up and down that it was, for lack of a better word, pleasure. Perhaps it was only because it was one step closer to me.

“Yes, I know, my superstar.” Connor took a very long drag from his cigarette. I’m surprised that his lungs weren’t coated with tar as he blew the smoke as far away from my face as he possibly could. 

“I’m glad that you came,” he said after a moment of silence, and I swear my heart stopped within that moment. 

“Me too,” I agreed as my hooded head rested on top of his shoulder, knees pulled in closely to my chest. 

I can get used to this… 

Peace and quiet should never be taken for granted. 

“Never change, Minnie baby,” his voice low enough only for me to hear. His smoke was swirling around as if I was bound to make him a promise. 

I think I have changed… 

Tick, tock. 

THREE 

“Smile for the camera, Margo. You are a star!” the cheerful woman said behind the camera, flashing every single angle that she could possibly take of me. My cheeks began to feel numb from how wide my smile was pinching the ends of my lips. The palm of my hand began to cramp from the thick, gaudy blue-colored container that I held, apparently the secret to being beautiful. A moisturizing cream that I hadn’t known about until now and one that had yet to smear on my face—my face alone was the selling point. 

You are a star, act like one. 

“Aaaaand, last one. All done! You’re a superstar, Margo. Let’s take five and we can start with letting the moisturizer sit on your face. We got to let the consumers know it somewhat

works, right? They’ll want your soft skin and we’ll get the big bucks!” The group laughed heartily, but I began to feel queasy inside. 

This is wrong. 

I made the wrong choice. 

I am going to hurt people. 

I felt the guilt begin to consume me, but I couldn’t say anything. Why would my words matter anyway? All I had to do was smile and look pretty. I was only the money-making machine that the industry wanted; my talent meant nothing to them. 

Tick, tock, tick. 

FOUR 

“Happy birthday, bitchhh!” exclaimed Lillia as she brought out an over the top dessert that had literal fire and sparks shooting out of it. My sequined disco dress that fit my curves just right danced around the reflection of the flames. I suppose Dollar Store birthday candles didn’t make the cut. I smiled and closed my eyes before letting myself blow out, or try to, the many ignited flames. The people around me clapped their hands, cheering me on. 

“Did you wish for something nice?” asked my other friend, Janey. Before I could even say a word, Lillia butted in. 

“Oh, come on, are you kidding? She has nothing to wish for. Everything that she could ever have is in the palm of her hand,” she said with a laugh. and I rolled along with it. I nodded my head in feigned agreement. 

“Mhm. I have the best job in the world, and I have you guys as my best friends. What more could I ever want?” I said with a giggle as I wrapped my arms around both of their necks, pulling them in and squeezing them with a side embrace. Though I was enjoying myself, there was someone missing. Someone important to me. 

“Do you guys know if Connor showed up?” 

“I’m sorry, who?” snickered Lillia as Janey nudged her harshly, which got her to shut her mouth very quickly. 

“Never mind… I’ll be right back,” I said with a small grin as I excused myself from the table. I could make my way to the bar and drink my weight in vodka cranberries to help ease the pain of his absence. But I don’t, since I know what he would say, what he would think. 

You fucked up big time. 

He doesn’t care about you. 

He doesn’t love you anymore. 

I went outside instead, and was greeted by winter’s harsh cold, but the chill didn’t bother me. I needed to forget, I was long gone to him. If I let my tears fall now, they’d turn into little icicles of regret and sadness. Besides, I have better people to surround myself with. Things just don’t always work out the way that someone thinks they should. 

The hour glass is half empty. 

Be courteous. 

FIVE 

Last night was a blur. I could barely open my eyes without feeling that constant pounding in my head. I didn’t know what day of the week it was or what was on my schedule today. I couldn’t even think straight.

I turned over now, away from the window to hopefully avoid the bright natural light that was bothering me. Though I found a new sight to be wary of. Laying beside me in my French silk duvet was a man, ruggedly handsome, but his name didn’t click with me. Harry, maybe. Hudson? Doesn’t matter anyway. It was fine to sleep with anyone, just to pass the time. It was what famous people did. I think I was staring at him too long, as he began to peek open his hazel eyes, a sleepy smile beginning to form on the corner of his lips. 

"Good morning, sweetheart. Sleep well? What a night we had together. I think it was the best night I’ve ever had,” he said with a raspy morning voice, trying to pull my figure near his overly hairy chest. All I could smell from him was the sex from the night before and abnormal amounts of sweat. 

"Sorry, I need to get going,” I said as I slipped out of the covers, taking the jacket off the edge of the chair to wrap around my nude body. I felt exposed, and a chill of discomfort ran down my spine. Shouldn’t I be used to it by now? I scrounged around like a mouse, picking up articles of what looked like my clothes, and slid them on to keep myself secure. The man with the H name groaned, leaning over as he began to reach for me as if he were begging for forgiveness. 

"Oh, come on, babe. You don’t think last night was fun? That isn’t what you said when I–” 

"Goodbye, Henry,” 

"It’s actually H–” The hotel room door slammed shut. I guess I will never know his name. 

You are unlovable. 

Do you think this is love?

My head was pounding from God knows how many vodka crans and an annoying man whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I guess I will never be satisfied. 

SIX 

"So, you’re from Indiana? That’s got to be a hell of a change there, Margo. Did you grow up on a farm?” The overly benevolent talk show host rang in my ear. I gave him a flashing wink and my signature smile, enough for those at home watching to melt at my very feet. 

Just as we practiced… 

"Uh huh! It isn’t every day that a girl like me gets to be on a great show with someone like you, Connell,” and there went another wink of mine, which sent the crowd hooting and hollering  over my simple and overdramatic gesture. Everyone loved me, adored me even. This is what I wanted. 

Right? 

"Alright folks, stick around after the commercial to see Margo perform her new song, Red Cigarette!” Connell signaled toward the cameras as his dazzling white smile shone toward the screens. The audience thundered with applause. Before I could get up from my seat, I felt a strong tug on my arm. 

Your clock is ticking down, Minnie. 

I blinked my eyes rapidly as an awkward chuckle left my lips. Did I hear him right? "What? I’m sorry, could you repeat that again?” 

"I was just saying how excited I am for you to be here tonight. You know, my daughter absolutely adores you and would love an autograph,” beamed the talk show host. The fakest yet purest smile graced my lips. It’s what I’ve learned to do, to the point where it was close to perfect.

"Yes, of course. Anything for her.” 

Maybe it was all catching up to me in the heat of the moment. 

Will I be remembered tomorrow? 

Nothing was for certain. 

SEVEN 

The sizzle of the champagne was evident as I felt the golden liquid run down my arm. It had just hit midnight and my first album was now officially out. My friends and I were screaming for the hills. 

"That’s our Margo girl!” 

"She’s the fucking greatest! Better than The Beatles.” 

"I bet she’ll get a million streams before the sun is up tomorrow.” 

It was all really wishful thinking, but my heart wasn’t anywhere in this room. All I could think about was the ghost of who I wanted to be there. 

"Margo, wipe that fucking frown off of your face. You’re a star!” exclaimed Lillia as she shook another champagne bottle. There was a small thud in my chest, and I felt everything that I had been blind was being seen. Were they really here for me, or was it for my success? 

They chase and I attract it. 

Why have real friends if I’m fucking famous anyway? 

They’d leave me for dead. 

EIGHT

"These are the exact numbers that we love to see, Margo. They are shining bright, just like you,” Mr. B said with a smile full of rotted teeth from tobacco. I sat uncomfortably in my chair, a sequined corset hugging me tightly with no room to breathe. The heels of my boots were killing my feet slowly. There was not much for me to do other than sit there… taking all the pain in. 

"With numbers like these, I think we best be planning for a world tour, what do you think?” he said with a smokey chuckle as I nodded my head, forcing my cheeks to be full with excitement. 

"I think it would be a great idea,” I feigned agreement. It would be nice, of course, but how much of this was I willing to take? 

I feel like I can't do anything anymore. 

"We can start in America, move into Europe, and then Asia. Barely any breaks in between except to travel to the next city. Oh, Margo, you’re going to make me filthy rich! You will be the first star of mine to make me boat loads of money. How I adore you, Margo. Don’t ever stop that sparkle and shine of yours.” His filthy and grotesque hand was now on the top of my bare shoulder. I was cringing beneath the white studded shades that I wore upon my face. 

Your fame means nothing. 

Just another powerful man’s cash cow. 

You will die doing this. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock. 

Your time is almost up. 

NINE

"What the fuck, Minnie? You can’t just pull this shit on me like it’s nothing. I’m so sorry to always be an inconvenience to you,” said Connor with a tinge of venom in his voice. What else was there for me to say? Fame does change you, whether you like it or not. 

"That’s not true, Connor. You know that I’m busy now. I can’t just flip my schedule for you. I’m sorry. I really am,” I said with genuineness in my voice. I couldn’t help that I had stacked, long days. It was exhausting, and I just wanted some time for myself to be at peace. 

"Whatever, Minnie. Whoever this is, this isn’t the girl I knew. You’ve changed. Why are you throwing something like this away? I lov— you know what, forget it,” he said with a scrunched face of bitterness as he balled up his jacket tightly in his fist. My heart sank so low that I was sure that it even existed anymore. 

I love you, too. 

It’s all I wanted to say to him, to scream it at the top of my lungs. It had been held deep in my core for a very long time. 

"Goodbye, Minnie. Don’t bother calling me anymore.” It was the last thing he said as he slammed my apartment door behind him. He left my tears and me alone in my living room, the salt water staining the fine and luxurious fabric of my couch. 

You are losing everyone that truly loved you. 

Ticking and tocking, your clock isn’t stopping. 

TEN 

I had spent almost all of my time off huddled depressingly in my apartment. The only friends I seemed to have were Ben and Jerry, and they made quite a killer pint of chocolate ice cream. My three-day-old mascara was caked and dried on my eyelashes to the point where it was hard to blink. Without any warning, my front door was met with a profuse number of knocks. I couldn’t hear much over the blasted volume of When Harry Met Sally. The knocks became louder, and an annoyed groan left my lips. 

"The door is unlocked,” I yelled loud enough for whoever was behind the door to hear. It opened frantically, and from behind it came Lillia and Janey. 

"Oh my god, Marg– we thought you like, died,” Janey said with genuine concern in her voice as Lillia scrunched her face in disgust. 

"Ugh… you look like shit. What happened, babe? Why don’t you want to go out anymore? You used to be so fun,” she said with a pout. I didn’t even bother looking at them as I shrugged. 

“Don’t know. Just been feeling… sad, I guess. There has been a lot going on,” I said, which resulted in Lillia cackling at my words. At this moment, things began to turn rhythmically in my head like clockwork. It was all making sense now. 

"Sad? Oh, come on, babe. You are the biggest musician right now in the industry! There is absolutely nothing for you to be depressed about. Come on, we need to wipe whatever the hell that is on your face off and we need to find you a cute outfit. We are going out tonight.” Lillia wasted no time in leaving my side, whereas Janey’s face seemed apologetic. 

I was everyone’s consolation prize. 

I was never going to be more than flickering star light, destined to burn out at some point… some way. 

ELEVEN 

"Cut! Margo, you’ve missed your cue about five times now. You can’t be like this, you need to be better. I know that you can be better,” the man behind the camera said, annoyingly tapping the end of his pen against his clipboard. I could feel the beads of sweat dripping down my body, as if I had dunked my whole body in salty water. 

"Sorry, it won’t happen again,” I said, hands tight on my hips and breathless. His voice was muffled to me now as I felt myself slightly drained of energy. 

I can’t do this. 

I was never meant to do this. 

My thoughts immediately stopped as I felt a tap on my shoulder. A woman, much older and much shorter than me—given the height of my heels—held a little undisclosed bag in her hand. It contained two circular tablets, small enough for even an ant to consume. 

"Here, I use these on my bad days. They get me to spring right back up on my feet. It looks like you might be in need of a pick-me-up today,” she said, as I stared at the contents that were stuck in the plastic prison inside. 

"Thanks,” was all I said before she seemed to have gone away in a flash. Strange. 

Happy little pills. 

I was desperate for anything at this point, if only I could be better than what I was. I needed to be better. I opened up the baggie with a precise pop, sprinkling out the tablets and then popping them into my mouth. They dissolved quickly, as if I hadn’t even taken any in the first place. I crumbled up the plastic and threw it out before getting on set again, my smile flashing the camera. Now, I was ready. 

Was I ever ready to begin with? 

Alice, you are falling farther into the rabbit hole. 

There is only so much time left.

TWELEVE 

We had finally arrived at the arena. Surrounding the SUV were hundreds of fans screaming my name. It was one of my first sold-out shows of the whole tour, so it was very special to me, especially since we were near where I had grown up. Everyone that I knew, well mostly everyone, was coming tonight. I wasn’t sure if that settled or racked my nerves even more. 

The security man opened my door and I was met with the shriek of screams and flashing lights. I flashed my grin, hoping every side of me was photogenic. Not a hair out of place and not a bad angle to be seen. My eyes averted to a young girl, holding a Sharpie in one hand and a copy of my new album in the other. Her smile said all I needed to know, she was beaming and excited. 

"Hi, Miss Margo, can you sign this for me?” her marshmallow-toned voice spoke as I nodded my head, extending my hands to grab her CD to sign it. I was silent, focused on the swoops and curves that went into my signature. 

“I hope I can be like you when I grow up, Margo. I always wanted to be a great singer like you!” the young girl exclaimed, a bright and beaming smile appearing on her face. I felt frozen in time. What I wanted to say was stuck at the very tip of my tongue. 

Don’t do this to yourself. 

You will be taken for granted. 

"Yeah? I hope to see you on a stage someday,” I said with encouragement as I handed the CD back to her. I saw her get so excited, and I felt my heart breaking.

"Really?! Thank you for believing in me,” she squealed excitedly, and I gave her a slightly hopeful smile. A hand was pressed against my back, ushering me to the inside of the arena. I felt my heart sink low, to the end of my rib cage. 

She was just like me. 

I need to save her from this life. 

She does not deserve this life. 

At least her time wasn’t almost up. 

THIRTEEN 

"Alright, Miss Margo, you are on in five minutes,” said the stage manager. I nodded my head as I placed my hands on my hips. Why did I feel so dizzy all of a sudden? I almost tripped over the exaggerated heel of my boot, and one of my dancers ended up catching me. 

"Are you alright?” she asked, and I flashed my signature ‘I’m not fine, but I’ll make it through’ type of grin, and nodded my head. 

"I’m just peachy, but thank you for checking in on me. I’ll get to my spot soon,” I said with an affirming nod. I watched as the other dancers began to climb up the stairs, but I felt frozen in time. I could not move from this spot. 

You are close to the end, Minnie. 

Breathe it in while it still lasts. 

I should really stop taking whatever they gave me. It was making my head feel funny almost all the time. These thoughts were more recurring than what I was used to. I had a show to do and fans that were depending on me. I couldn’t let this brisk moment of illness take over me. My legs felt like jelly as I walked up the stairs and onto the stage, still curtained down. I could hear my name being chanted and the shrill of screams as the lights turned off. It was my time to shine. 

You are a star, baby. 

You are going to fucking act like it.

FOURTEEN 

One minute left. 

My lungs were on fire and I couldn’t catch my breath. It was all consuming. My vision was beginning to grow spotty. 

I need to take this off. 

Take it off of me. 

I could feel myself beginning to tumble and almost tripped over myself, my heels pointed and slanted way too high for my liking. I could still hear their screams outside as I stood in front of my dressing room mirror, panting and struggling to get this stupid glittery corset bodysuit off my body. 

Blood. 

I taste blood. 

Am I dying? 

Was this worth fifteen minutes? 

I was finally able to rip it off myself, perhaps popping off a few Swarovski crystals in doing so. Who cares anymore? I had enough money to replace them all. I was nude now, and I stared at myself in front of the mirror. 

Who am I anymore? 

You aren’t who you think you are.

My ears were ringing, but I heard someone talking, maybe screaming as they came closer to my door. 

I can’t do this anymore. 

You have less than a minute left. 

FIFTEEN 

I watched as the rain began to pour even harder now, trickling down the window. It was  all I had been able to look at the past few days. My albums weren’t selling well and neither were my songs. I was barely making the top one hundred. We thought a collaboration would save me, but it resulted in my being dropped by my label. 

You are nothing now. 

You are wasted potential. 

Can’t you see that? 

Everything I once loved was now lost, thanks to the overbearing piles of wealth that I had—my many mansions, my large walk-in closet of designer clothes. Was it worth losing my greatest friends? The man that was supposed to be the love of my life? I found myself scrolling through Instagram, watching their lives through carefully selected pictures, living vicariously through them. I always caught myself with a heaving sob. That life was so far and out of reach for me now. 

I was nothing, and my little flicker of sparks were diminished. There was someone else with the same bright potential as me topping the charts. 

Pretty girl, do not wander so far into the woods. 

I felt my body slump against the cushions of my worn couch that I do not have the funds to replace. It felt even more comfortable than I usually remembered it being. My sullen, dark undereyes finally closed after many days of lack of sleep. My heart was slow and rhythmic as I began to drift into a deep, solemn sleep. I am the end product of what has consumed me. 

What have I done? 

Your time is up.

Alexis Terzioski is a senior majoring in Creative Writing. She was born and raised in Crown Point, Indiana, and somehow found her way to Rhode Island to pursue a degree in what she loves most: writing. When she’s not writing, she has her nose stuck in a romance book and indulging in a Starbucks Pink Drink. She would like to thank the magazine for publishing her final piece at Roger Williams University before she graduates.